


September 20th, 2011

by velocitygrass



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Don't Ask Don't Tell, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-19
Updated: 2011-09-19
Packaged: 2017-10-23 21:25:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/255164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/velocitygrass/pseuds/velocitygrass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the end of DADT and nothing will really change for John.</p>
            </blockquote>





	September 20th, 2011

With different lengths of days, several moons, and a different rotation around their sun, it doesn't make a lot of sense to stick to Earth dates, but it's still their home and they need to be able to relate to what happens back there. Whether it's birthdays or anniversaries—or laws that are enacted on a certain date.

John knows there is a celebration somewhere on Atlantis, and he'll make an appearance to show his support, but right now he's sitting in his quarters with a cigar and a bottle of the finest whiskey.

It doesn't really change anything for him. At least not immediately. He's not waiting to come out. He doesn't have a relationship that he needs to hide. And Rodney...

He's not sure what will happen with him and Rodney. They've become closer again after they finally returned to the Pegasus Galaxy. Sometimes John thinks they're at a point where he could try to make a move, that even if he's misread the signs, there'll only be a minimum of awkwardness and they'll be able to continue their friendship without much fuss.

But that decision doesn't depend on this date. Fraternization rules still apply to their relationship, so the end of Don't Ask, Don't Tell won't mean an immediate change to how John can and will act.

He's not planning any big announcements. Though he's made sure that everyone knows that he fully supports Lorne's efforts. His 2IC headed the training for DADT repeal with admirable pragmatism—which is to say he didn't question the stupidity of teaching grown men and women that gay people exist and how to deal with that and managed to do it in a way that left no doubt that he considered it a personal priority that repeal would go without a hitch.

There's the small risk that someone who doesn't like him manages to dig up something that could incriminate John. It hung over his head for twenty years, but somehow John always figured insubordination would get him before someone caught him having sex with a guy.

He's been reasonably careful. He doesn't have to be in the future, though he's still the CO of the Atlantean military, so he's not going to start sleeping around with scientists (soldiers under his command are obviously still off limits). It would just make things awkward, not to mention the thing with Rodney which might or might not get somewhere at some point in the future.

No, there really isn't much that will change for him personally, and yet, when John sits down and pours himself a glass, he notices that his hands are shaking slightly.

He doesn't want to dwell on his past, but he can't help thinking about what his life might have been like if he'd always been allowed to be attracted to guys after he joined the Air Force. Paul comes to mind, and as always the memory is bitter. He doesn't think they would have lasted even if there'd never been the ultimatum when John decided to join the "homophobic institution that doesn't even _want_ you". Paul wouldn't have been able or willing to handle his deployments. He wouldn't have understood.

John might have found someone else. He's not sure if he would have married Nancy or not. It had never been as a cover. He'd loved her, even if looking back, he's not quite certain if his love was ever more than friendship.

He might have met someone else. Started dating a guy. It's a possibility, but it's so abstract that John doesn't feel as if he should mourn that lost opportunity.

He can't think of anything concrete that he has to mourn, that this law and the rules before it have taken from him. But still when the time passes and the clock rings in a new era in the military and in his life, John lifts his glass in a toast and then gulps it down, swallowing more than just whiskey.

His hand is still shaking when he pours himself a second glass, but he ignores it and is about to light his cigar when his door chimes.

John hopes there hasn't been an incident at the celebration. He puts down the cigar and the glass and goes to the door—only to find Rodney at the other end.

They look at each other for a long moment, then John steps aside and lets Rodney in.

Rodney doesn't say anything, though John can see that he bites down a comment about the cigar. He wordlessly takes a seat on the couch, and John joins him, hesitating for a moment before picking up the glass.

His hand is still shaking, so he quickly puts it down again, feeling embarrassed.

Rodney doesn't say anything, though. Instead he looks at John, and then simply moves his hand under John's, clasping it in his.

John stares at their hands. It's such a simple gesture, but he suddenly has to tighten his hand, squeezing Rodney's probably beyond what's comfortable.

Rodney squeezes back and leans closer, touching his shoulder to John's.

John blinks away the moisture in his eyes, breathing in once, twice, before turning to Rodney and burying his face in his shoulder. Rodney puts his arms around him, and John does the same, holding on, trying not to cry because what reason does he have to cry?

Rodney soothes him gently, and John breathes in, drawing air and Rodney's scent into his lungs until he no longer fears he'll leave tears on Rodney's shirt.

He lets Rodney's calm—and who would have thought that such a thing existed—take hold of him and relaxes his grip on Rodney.

He doesn't move, however, staying in Rodney's arms because he can.

Nothing has really changed for John. If the higher-ups want to pin something on him, it won't be sleeping with a guy. If he wants to start a relationship with Rodney, they'll have to hide until they retire or split up the team. He's never been one to talk much about his past anyway.

But still this day changes John. Because even if he won't act any differently tomorrow, he'll feel a little more human than the day before.


End file.
